I am delighted to be aligned with helping you confirm that you did right by honouring you.

It is said that we teach people how to treat us, and you stopped this lesson by reclaiming you and your life.
You are teaching your sons how to treat women.
You are teaching your sons what happens when you do not honour the spirit of another human being.
You are also teaching them how sacred their own spirits are.
And that my darling is pure love, the L-O-V-E kind!

Self-love has been the hardest lesson for me, but it is in the sharing of my truth, that makes it attainable and reachable -
And most importantly, POSSSIBLE.
It is your right to be loved and honoured and cherished.

The divine Maya Angelou says:
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them, the first time.”

I’m certain that he showed you over and over and over.
I do not share this with you to permit you to go into guilt, but to commend you that you have heard the message (loud and clear), and will not tolerate another second of his abuse.

Your primal truth is not dramatic, it’s as real as it gets.
I salute you in your living out loud and living on purpose with purpose.
Your newfound direction will reveal a path that is unknown but so worth the wait.

Thank you for sharing your truth and your story.

I send you nothing but love and light.

Hold your head up high doll. I’m cheering for ya!

https://www.facebook.com/farhana.dhalla/posts/207073186078637
https://www.facebook.com/natasjafischer/posts/447035655311696?notif_t=mentions_comment

Much loving…
~f

I am humbled by your share here… with everything so fresh and the pain so acute, you have the where-with-all to pay attention to the exhale.

The exhale that comes from relief. The exhale that comes from allowing things to calibrate to truth.

You have listened.

There is a book that i would recommend… it’s by Neale Donald Walsch – it’s called “When Everything Changes, Change Everything”

(and, my book is pretty good too – lol!)

You are at a marvelous point of re-invention. And you are courageous enough to do it.

Your boys will learn so much from you during this time. Your courage, your willingness to be truthful, your commitment to yourself, your trusting in The Greater as you walk (and then run) towards your grandest dreams. All these are profound life lessons.

Here is the trick though… make no one wrong. Not you. Not him. This is just what needed to happen in order for you to claim the grandness of your spirit.

Michele, please sign up for this free tele-summit – It’s called the Great Parenting Show and I am a guest on Wednesday… This is exactly what we will be talking about. How can we make divorce an enlightening experience for us and our children.

http://bit.ly/qqEByT

You are exquisite. You are powerful. You are guided. You are whole.

Thank you for claiming you.

Love,
Farhana

For you make me want to take deep breaths
Soak in your love
Your wisdom
Your divinity
Your affection

To take it all in
Slowly
And Deliberately

Noticing that love indeed does have a taste
That is so sweet and oh so pure.

I can hear your voice when I read your words-
(Which to me is a sign of any good writer, worth their salt.)

I adore how you began your response with the word “Laced”
When I was writing the piece, it hit me
Like only truth can.

I have felt so insignificant, so full of fear, which just manifests into guilt
That starts another trip down the rabbit hole
(A destination I’ve spent far much time in, and need not visit again).

It is in the naming of me and the loving of me that I will play small no longer.
You reminded me years ago to “stand tall in my talent”
And you encouraged me “to be profane and to be profound”.

I may have had the name “The Transformationalist”
but I did not recognize it as such
And I certainly did not honour it.
It was only when you graced me with the title that I started to
Own it.

You helped me find me.
You gave me a name that I was so proud of
As there is nothing more potent to attach yourself to than TRUTH.

It is in the cheering for me
that I remembered I am worthy and that I am love.
That we all are.

When I look at the women that I have attracted into my life experience
It’s a beautiful and necessary reminder for me
To Stop
To realize
I did something else right

I tell myself
I did that
I attracted you
And I’m so dam proud
For it’s one of the most precious pieces of my reality.

It is in my own transformation that the definition
and the re-definition have occurred.

It’s been so gradual that I did not see it
Clearly
I did not see it as courage
I saw it as shame.
And I silenced it
I made it a secret
And made myself one in the process.

Thank you for helping me re-claim my voice
And my space in this world

It is in the loving when we can be
Ourselves.

Namaste my darling.
Namaste.

*Still waiting for my book! Hope it arrives soon!

It is the kaleidoscope of the experience that offers such beauty if we train our eyes to see it. And that my dear, is your specialty.

All Love All Ways,
Farhana

In this moment, reading both your words I am touched by sheer love, pride and gratitude. By each of you sharing your reflections you give others such a divine gift of authenticity, of feeling the pain – yet also feeling the freedom.

Thank you my dear friends…
Hugs & Love Lee xoxoxox

Your self reflection and reveal here has busted my heart wide open. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the gifts you have given here.

I named you.

I named you The Transformationist because of how you make people feel when they are in your presence.

But now I know, you named yourself that long ago.

What courage you displayed in no longer letting him define you and claim your own definition and re-definition of yourself.

What you wrote here represents millions of women. And whether they are at the beginning of the cycle of remembering their true self or well along the way, you wrote and claimed space for all of us.

There are those that will read this and they will wake up from their slumber. An uncomfortable yet liberating awakening.

And there are those that will reflect with compassion the journey we have taken to claim the fullness of our beauty, our talents, our smarts, our divine offerings…

You spoke for us all.

Thank you.

With a humble bow of Namaste for letting us all see you and revel in your ‘anything but plain’ eloquence and standing as a guide post for all that we aspire to be. Ourselves.

I love you immensely.

So many luscious lines hit me where I lived:

- I was absent of joy. I wanted out but, where was out?
- How does one give away their spirit, their voice, their joy, their truth and feel that is safe?
- There is no such thing as safe in the lie.
- The moment he told me that it was over… I felt relief.
- I paid my dues to fear, anger, shame, pain, and took the long, yet cathartic way around to gratitude and peace.

But the one that hit me the most was:
-How does one give away their spirit, their voice, their joy, their truth and feel that is safe?

My venomous and inept relationship ended on Boxing Day 2008.
He nonchalantly pulled up a chair at my kitchen table, primed – full of liquid courage and laced with a dose of contempt.

I continued doing what I was doing until I could feel his eyes not leave me.
He didn’t just look at me – he stared.
He leaned in, on one arm, like he was about to break it down for me…
He paused long enough for me to look up from my studies and when he knew he had my undivided attention he said:

“You know what?”

“No”, I responded, “what?”
“I think we’re done.”

“We’re done?” I confirmed.

“Yep, we’re done”.

“Ok?”… (This is where the relief started to settle in)

He interrupted me with “you wanna know why?” already proud of this great feat.

In a very patronizing, yet self-preserving tone I responded, “I’d love to know why”.

He took a breath as if her was preaching a lecture, “It’s just, it’s just that your so F***ing plain”, chasing his words down so casually with another swig from his bottle of beer.

I breathed the words out, slowly, (holding back sarcasm as it would have taken his satisfaction away) and opted for a perplexed tone “I’m plain?”

“Yup, you’re plain” he sarcastically uttered back.

“I’ve been called a lot of things in my life Peter, but Plain isn’t one of them”.

He started giving me the details about how I wasn’t worth anything to him.
I responded with silence as he continued to tell me how I was useless. Continued to list all of my problems as he’d done so many times before.

In my mind I was dancing & cheering!
Too much time, and energy and love was wasted on this little man (all 5’6 of him).
What he failed to realize in his arrogance, is that I was already detaching in our relationship for the last few months.
He’d fired me twice in the past 4 months.

I had been heavily focused on an intense business program, and for the first time in 4 1/2 years, he wasn’t the primary focus (I was).
It was only 12-weeks into the program, and I felt that I’d earned the right to make myself a priority.

How does one give away their spirit, their voice, their joy, their truth and feel that is safe?
The short answer to that is slowly.
It creeps up on you like a whisper, and before I knew it I was just falling in line and doing what a good girlfriend was supposed to do. When he berated me, I knew it would get me nowhere to respond in the heat of the moment, for he was always right – always.

There is no such thing as safe in the lie.
There is also no such thing as safety in being a secret, and I was just that – a secret, for our entire relationship. No title, no vacations, no nothings….
I was in awe of how I’d gotten where I was. I knew my relationship was bad.
Though at the time, I had NO idea how much of myself I’d lost. That too would be revealed to me slowly and gradually over years.

I was absent of joy. I wanted out but, where was out?
I thought that my silence would buy me safety that too was a very dangerous truth I told myself (only to turn into a lie).

I paid my dues to fear, anger, shame, pain, and took the long, yet cathartic way around to gratitude and peace.
I was stocked, harassed, threatened, 2 vehicles stolen 11 months apart (Even the police knew he was guilty, but couldn’t prove it).

I now believe that karma grows the longer it takes to pay back.
I know that I need not waste a single once of hate-energy on him, as he’s a sad and lonely man who knows no loyalty and is void of love (receiving and giving).
I have had 2 abusive relationships in my life experience, and I need not ever endure another, as I learned my lesson.
The lesson being that I’m worthy of love exactly as I am.

Have you ever had a completion that stung at the time but you now know that it was the best thing for you? How did you arrive to the ‘other side’ of the equation?

The night of the: PLAIN BREAK DOWN/BREAK UP, I did say one thing:
“I just want my life back”.

And only now, nearly 4 years later after years of work, of fear of doubt, far too much pain and my self worth completely lost (now found) –
I can say that I have arrived; I am worthy and ready for prosperity and success.
And when the next fella comes along, that’s ready to love me the way I deserve, he will know love like no other.

Thank you my dear friend for sharing your voice and your wisdom so freely and so purely.
I love you so!