I Am FIERCE

A couple of years ago I logged into my infrequently used Twitter account one day and found a flurry of messages congratulating me on my nomination.

Nomination for what???

Apparently I had been nominated for a FIERCE Woman Award. I was touched that the nomination was in the category most meaningful for me: FIERCE Woman -Mom Extraordinaire.

A warm feeling gushed over me and I was surprised by the amount of joy I felt with the nomination. My self worth is not based on accolades and I encourage others to release the need for external gratification but, I was aware that this particular nomination was hitting a sweet spot for me.

As a single mom of 3 kids and entrepreneur, I am well aware of my deficiencies – the guilt over working 15 hr days, the grouchy mama moments, the math homework that stumps me, the store bought frozen dinners, the melt bead projects that lay abandoned waiting for me to iron them into lovely art…. And the list goes on…and on.

But when I received the surprise nomination, a feeling of “I’m doing a good job – even with my volumes of deficiencies” made my tense shoulders exhale a sigh of relief.

It got me thinking about all of us, doing the best we can, yet still riddled with guilt over our own perceived shortcomings. I wonder what the impact would be on our joy factor if we were to completely forgive ourselves for our errors and know that our ‘best at the time’ is exactly what our children need. How much more present and engaged we would be without the lingering scent of guilt?

I know the hamster wheel of guilt keeps me small. It makes me feel defeated rather than empowered. It makes me feel the forces are against me rather than it’s all working in divine order. I liken it to the Oreo cookie syndrome. Eat a cookie, feel okay. Eat another, feel guilty. Then in that guilt, I collapse all my boundaries in defeat, the box vanishes and appears somewhere on my hips.

So what if we had a rough moment in parenting? So what if the laundry is undone and the place looks like a cyclone hit it? Seriously – so what?

Parenting is not sainthood. In fact, it is likely the experience that would teach us how far away we are from sainthood. Parenting is about absolutely making mistakes and it is absolutely about teaching our children who they can be when they have made mistakes. Parenting is constant practice in self-forgiveness and in that, we teach our children the same.

What if, for this moment, you were to suspend all judgment on yourself for your perceived shortcomings? 

Notice your body relax.

Trust.

You are perfect. As is.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

PS – below is the video I used for my entry…

 

 

 

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Farhana DhallaFarhana Dhalla is the ultimate ‘go to’ person for shifting perspective. Her philosophy of seeing that everything is done FOR you versus to you is the paradigm shift that helps people unlock the gifts of their situation and liberate them into living more enriching lives. Along with being a mom to 3 expressive children, she is an Enlightened Divorce Coach, Speaker and Author of the #1 International Best Selling Book Thank You for Leaving Me.

Comments

  1. Love the definition of FIERCE :) And the captcha code made me laugh “MVP”! Congrats lady, you’re fierce all right :)

    • Seriously? It came up MVP? Too funny!

      I too LOVE the definition of FIERCE – Amazing things come together when a tribe of women congregate to support one another.

      In my previous city, I know without a doubt that if it weren’t for the love and support of the women I affectionately call my Airdrie tribe, I would have crumbled.

      Continue Sparkling Tia girl ;-)

  2. just testin’… heard these comments were being a bit finicky

  3. Farhana, I am so happy to hear your amazing courage is recognized. Thank you for your open hearted , honest response. You inspire and I follow in your ability to be perfectly imperfect. I love and miss you! I can’t think of the right words, but keep on what you are doing because you are impacting. Xo H

    • There could be no ‘righter’ words than that Heather! Thank you.

      I think (from our respective provinces) we should toast to being deliciously imperfectly perfect!

      I look forward to touching face with you sometime soon… you are loveliness.

      xxF

  4. Take Debbie Solomon of Highland Park, Ill., who juggles two jobs as a pediatric occupational therapist and an independent consultant with a personal shopping website . Her two girls are 14 and 10. She went back to work when her oldest was 8 weeks old. Over a decade later, she says she still sometimes feels like she should have guilt when she’s working. But, like many moms who suffer twinges of reverse guilt every now and then, Solomon firmly believes that her adult time makes her a better mom.

  5. This past weekend we went to a park. I was standing by the stroller and my husband was climbing the jungle gym with my son. And then, all of a sudden, I realized something. I wasn’t pregnant and I’m pretty much done recovering from my c-section. I could finally play. I climbed up the equipment and my son and I slid down two different slides at the same time. “Again, Mommy!” he shouted, and we did it again and again and again while my daughter slept in her stroller a few feet away. It was the first time, in too long of a time, that I didn’t feel guilty.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] are FIERCE. You get the award from simply being just who you are. No one else would ever have needed to know [...]

  2. [...] are FIERCE. You get the award from simply being just who you are. No one else would ever have needed to know [...]

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